After months of ignored requests to connect from my mother, I finally gave in and created a profile on "LinkedIn," which is apparently like Facebook except there isn't an application to follow each of your friends' poops.
Now, I know what you're thinking: I can't even follow my friends' poops? What good is a social networking site in which I can't virtually follow my friends' poops?
Well, I don't know, because I am just getting started. Seeing as though I want to be a writer, the virtues of a networking site are a bit unclear...here's hoping that J.D. Salinger accepts my Friend Request and gets me that big publishing deal.