Following the news that the FBI arrested 11 seemingly ordinary citizens who were in fact nefarious Russian spies is great news for fans of groaningly-obvious paper-thin postwar allegorical Communist threat films everywhere. That YOUR VERY NEIGHBORS could be plotting to blow up the world, perhaps with a shiny nuclear briefcase, perhaps by infecting you and your loved ones with some sort of disease that turns you into a pod-person, can only mean that Red Threat film is back in action, baby!
I am particularly excited about the rebirth of this genre (and this threat) because, as you may know, I am a 23-year-old single college graduate, clean-cut, seemingly American, athletic, friendly, waves at the neighbors, pets the neighbors' dogs kind of guy; but also, I live in a retirement community in decidedly-Caucasian Central New Jersey. I only hope that at least one of my new neighbors accuses me of being a Russian spy. God: it would make up for all hardships and diseases you have thrust upon me if I were to be called in front of the retirement community's Council of Elders and accused formally of being a Soviet infiltrator. This would be the happiest moment of my life, listening to the "evidence," having 50 year old Communist slurs hurled at me by paleo-McCarthyites, giving blood to prove that I did in fact have red human blood and not green alien blood, or, worse, no blood at all, a bloodless life form.
This will be me for the next two weeks or so, until this story dies down or until the security guard at the front gate of my community arrests me. It is up to you, Oceanaire Protection Services.
Oh, what wonderful news from the Times today. Now, if you will excuse me, I have to go talk in hushed tones on my cell phone and dig a series of mysterious holes in my backyard under the cover of the moonlight.